Thursday, January 04, 2007

Movie Star

Last night one of my friends who is getting to know Jesus called to talk about some of his more recent insights, as he does. It's always very intense and fascinating. Anyway, he was telling me about how he went to this talk connected to his alma mater and it turned out it was about Ignatian spirituality. One aspect thereof which intrigued him, I guess, was the concept of life with God as the main character of the story/play/movie we're all in, and the rest of us as equal characters in it. As an aside and a contrast, he said, "Instead of thinking of ourselves as the star of the movie, like jennwith2ns' blog, for example."

He wasn't being mean. He's talked about himself as the star of his own movie before. Still, it cut me to the quick, probably because it's true. In the world of my intellectual beliefs, I know and assert that God is the main character of life, but in my head, I would say that more often than not, I am. I would like to think I am not alone in this self-centeredness (I only want to be alone in my movie-stardom, probably). But it doesn't really matter whether I am the only person who is the star of their own show or not, because the fact that I am the star of my own show at all is the actual problem.

The comment has had the equal and opposite effects of motivating me to get refocused on the One who actually is the star of this here show, and also of making me more self-conscious than ever about this blog. I think it stung so much because, as I confessed at the beginning of the making of this public self-narration, I realise what a self-absorbed medium this is. At least for me. (See? Self-absorbed. The irony is, of course, that I'm processing how convicted I feel of my own selfishness by blogging about it.)

I think I was hoping it would start to become more God-centered than it apparently has. And, to cut myself some slack, one is often told to write about the things one knows, and the things I know best are the ones in my head and my heart. But I do wish the ultimate result here was that people who read it would see God as the main character, and not as the catalyst to help me be one.


Annelise said...

As you know, I've started reading Phil Yancey's book on prayer. In his first chapter, he explains that "prayer is the act of seeing reality from God's point of view." I was struck by that emphasis because I think most of us see prayer as asking for what we want--the self-centered approach. You're not alone in needing to address self-centeredness, unfortunately. I never make New Year's resolutions, but if I did, I suppose knowing God better would have to be one of them! Love you, Mom

Dave Grosser said...

Hmm, yes, but read your blog. There is a lot of God throughout, even if the orientation of the narration is one life's personal ups and downs. I think your original decision was to blog about your life, and while that isn't the biggest story ever, or how we should view the world in its totality, it's one valid vantagepoint. And from that vantagepoint, God shows up a lot.

George Lucas told a story about a galaxy and an evil empire through the vantagepoint of a couple droids. He got that idea from Kurosawa (?) who told stories about civilizations through the eyes of two buffoon slaves. These are great stories, but just because they're told from the perspective of minor characters doesn't mean that the minor characters are the major actors or the focal point of the narrative's universe. But those characters (at least the droids, I haven't seen Kurosawa movies) are sure lovable.

Jenn said...

Whatdoyoumean "Hmm, yes"?!


Okay. Right. Your comment was a weird combination of backhanded, insightful, and sweet . . . I think I like it.

Also, Mom, the Yancey quote is great. (I'll be getting to that book--after I finish the other ones I'm working on!)

GreekGeek said...

I'll add my 2pence, just because I can't help talking nor procrastinating... =]
Anyway, how else do we know God than how He works in individual people's stories - the times he shows up, the times He apparently doesn't, the times we wake up and see Him, all our own individual wrestlings with the Almighty? It's all well and good to make the bland theological statements that "God is always present" and "God has a plan and knows best for everyone's lives," but to wrestle through when your castles in the cloud come raining down on your head and still see God in the midst of it...? That, to me, is a far better witness to God and to your relationship with Him as central to your existence... So kudos -- keep letting God be seen in and through your life, not as a separate entity!!!

revjas said...

I agree with all those other comments. I LOVE seeing God through your eyes and heart, Jenn!!