Thursday, September 07, 2006

Crazy, or Actually-a-Disclaimer

The great thing about this medium is that, since I don't ever really know what I think about anything until I write about it (if then), I can write about it. The terrible thing is that usually I have to just write before I actually know what I mean, and sometimes I can say stuff that's going to be inaccurate or hurtful or just plain stupid.

Pretty much immediately after I wrote my last post, I read for the first time the blog of a long-lost friend who, in said blog, claims to feel, or have felt, crazy. (I personally think that anyone who writes as well as she does can't actually be crazy and is probably wiser than most, but maybe that proves my previous point. No offense or anything, Christy!)

The blog was, maybe ironically, a jolt back to reality--the reality that a large proportion, if not all, of my friends, as well as myself, actually do think we've lost it. I think because currently I don't feel that way, I kind of forgot the desperation such an apparent certainty brings on. There have been days, though, or months, or even the better part of years, where I feel like I'm hanging onto my mental and emotional capacities by my fingernails at best, and that maybe they weren't much to hang onto in the first place. There have been times where maybe I would have felt something of a bond between myself and our bearded customer. And maybe the reason I don't now is because I know that, given the change of a very few slight circumstances, I could be just like her. (Dare I admit: including the beard?)

So, I maintain that God is probably insane. But I think what I actually mean is that all of us are. God's ways and thoughts aren't like ours, and so when ours are less like ours than we think they should be, maybe we can get open enough and weak enough and humble enough so that we can actually think some of His thoughts and see some things His way, instead.

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